Brihadarnayaka
Upanishad says, “Atmanastu Kamaya Sarvam Priyam Bhavati”(It is only due to the
love for one’s self that everything else becomes dear). This is once such wonderful
observation by the Rishi Yagnavalkya about Mind Psychology. Everyone loves
anything not for the sake of that thing, but for his own gratification.
Sri Krishna in Bhagavad
Gita Chapter 2 verse 55 uses the word
“Atmaenvatmana Tustah” which is when the lower self is contented with Higher
self. He says that can happen when one
drops all desires (Prajahati Yada Kaman).
When as a seeker I
look at the verse from the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad as well as Bhagavad Gita it
might look
contrary but there are important differences if observed with more
contemplation.
Rishi Yagnavalkya was mentioning the desire that
is from the root of narcissist approach while Sri Krishna was pointing out at
the Self-Actualisation. A narcissist has extreme selfishness and is very
calculative with a grandiose view of himself and a craving for praise and admiration
from others. While a person who is self-actualized has spontaneity with
self-acceptance and has resistance to approbation.
Self-actualization is the pinnacle of
personality escalation while a narcissist is the victim of personality
disorder. Self growth with inward exploration is the aim of a self-actualized
person and the tool he uses to practice this is Self-Confidence. On the
contrary, a narcissist is an outwardly person who is on the wrong track and his
Self-Centered attitude hurts not him but all those involved with him. Amazingly these
traits are not mutually exclusive we can observe a few hovering between self-actualization
and narcissism. Self-actualized person and a narcissist can be described as
autonomous, self-accepting, lacking inhibitions, charismatic, unconventional,
and nonconforming.
The key difference is that in the growth of a
self-actualized person there is transcending of ego and an effort to realise
the purpose of their existence. This enables him to think that we all are from
the same source and act accordingly to make the world a better place to live. A
narcissist rather than subduing the ego tries to puff it up. He develops an obsessive
focus on self which projects him as elite and hence it becomes very difficult
to involve himself in community activities. Both narcissists and
self-actualized people are charismatic because they are independent and full of
energy. The difference though is that a narcissist is manipulative and wants to
act only for his personal gain. A Self-actualized individual plans a scheme so
that it can benefit all those who are with him.
In short we can summarise the traits of a
Self-actualised person who cannot and should not be confused to be a
narcissist. They are
1. Self-directed, but never Selfish.
2.
Self-accepting, but never
Arrogant.
3.
Self-confident, but never
Egotistic.
4.
Childlike, but never Immature.
5.
Charismatic, but never
calculative.
6.
Indifferent, but never
cold and aloof.
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