1259. Ego!!!

There are two words in Sanskrit “Ahamkara” (“I” am) and “Asmitha” (“I”ness). We often confuse these two words as in the English translation we tend to interchange them to convey our thought. As I understand “Ahamkara” is one among the four Anthahkarna (Inner Conscience) along with Manas (Mind), Buddhi (Intellect) and Chitta (Memory).

Ahamkara refers to a sense of self that is somewhat self-existent and though it is shaped up by the information received from the external resource it does not depend on it to obtain a place in my conscience.  

Asmitha is one of the four afflictions of mind along with Avidhya (Ignorance), Raga (Attraction), Dwesha (Aversion) and Abhinivesha (clinging to live). It is just a sense of “I”ness without Ego coming into play. It is just the identification of the perceiver with the reflection of the perception. From this identification there is a feel of “I” see, “I” hear etc. This “I”ness is felt as soon as one is awake in the morning. So Asmitha rely on its association to outward appearance for its place in my conscience.  

From “I” ness to “I am” is the entry of Ego. “I am” kick starts “Duality” but it is the closest entity to “Oneness”. It is the start of the primary illusion of a separate, independent identity. Every thought that generates is on the basic thought “I am”. Finding the source of that “I am” is the path to spirituality. For no apparent reason, the thought “I am” spontaneously stirs into existence just like a wave that appears on a still ocean surface.

“I am” is the first thought that comes with the manifestation triggered by Vasanas (Tendencies) and Samskara (Impression) to become a puppet in the play of the five elements. It is the phantom “I” which claims individuality as “I am” that brings objectification of everything and everyone around me. “I am” is the conscious presence liked by every individual. It is the first concept which could remain till the Prana (Vital Breath) remains in the body. No one ever has escaped from “I” ness but with sadhana one can get rid of “I am” ness. “I ness” is the first entry point of existence and “I am” is the last exit point of illusion.

For a realised soul that always remains in Self, everything is happening as play according to “Prarabdha Karma Phala”. Any sort of distortion in this thinking is the presence of “I am”. “I am” sprouts out of selfishness and grows as Ego; because of ego, there are thoughts; because of thoughts there is misery. When one misery is dropped another is created. Consciousness has no ego-sense. Individually the thought “I am” enters into it, and flow of thoughts forms the mind, and storage of thoughts forms the memory. To get away from misery Ego has to be subdued.

Ego is nothing but condensed unawareness. Every individual is an object of His will whereas an egoistic individual consider himself as subject and others as objects and amazingly each and every one consider it that way. Just like waves, egos clash forgetting their real nature and oneness. Intervention of individuality only distracts the real nature of phenomenon. Many would rather give up their lives than give up their ego. Mind dominated by ego requires an object to prolong the ego, it cannot remain in isolation. Many a times we will not be communicating with the person, but with his ego.

The answer to the question “Who am I?” is the only means to subdue the ego. All other means retain the mind, and ego takes subtler forms in the process. Practicing to perceiving things in a wider perspective relegates ego behind.

My ego always insists that I am somebody whereas the truth is that I am nobody.