Thursday, June 16, 2011

51. Arranged or love, Marriages sustain only with LOVE!!!!!!!



In an arranged marriage the groom and bride will have little or no say. This is because the elders of the family believe that marriage is not merely a union between a man and a woman, it is a merger of two families. Hence many other factors will be given more preference apart from getting the consent of the couple. The compatibility of not only the couple, but also that of the two families, the monetary security of the young couple, social and other support networks essential for a descent living is also considered relevant. After all these factors are considered only then do they ask the choice to the couple concerned and sometimes they don’t also. If asked, what the couple who are not known to each other would decide about? It is not only looks but they need to understand if their mentalities match. This is the only small setback in an arranged marriage the bride and groom are not sure if they are of same wavelength. More importantly in such kind of marriages there is the support of all the family members in case something may go wrong in future, they will volunteer to settle the minor issues that may crop up as in all marriages.

In love marriage only the couple concerned has the say and they agree to marry because they are in love with each other in spite of cultural differences which may seem unconcern at that time. According to this criterion, it may be love at first sight or it may occur as the time passes on. Love is blind they say, so no comments on it. The positive note about this type of marriage is that the couple would have understood each other well, having said that there is one more side to consider the couple would also indulge in impressing each other when in courtship. In that case the either of them will come to know about the real nature only after marriage. This is one of the major reasons for the break up here.


The selection of a life partner is a huge task it requires to know the temperament, adjusting nature, academic interest, and financial potential of the would-be-spouse. It is near to impossible to meet all our requirements which we expect in the partner. The process involved in arranged marriages is to see that maximum of the overall requirement is taken into account with virtual importance of each aspect. It is done more in an implicit rather than in an explicit manner. Also, it is based on the theory that the partners can discover and establish to love each after marriage even though they have not met before. This is not impractical but a possible anticipation if parents own experience is taken into account if theirs is an arranged marriage.


There are statistics which imply that love marriages are more susceptible to break compared to arrange marriage. We cannot take it as a thumb rule and conclude that all love marriages end up breaking or all arranged marriages stick together. If we believe what these statistics indicate? Love marriages more importantly which appears to be love at first sight or that which happen at inappropriate age may not be a safe or adequate basis for choosing a partner for life. In this statement we should not mean that love in a marriage is irrelevant. On contrary, it is very important. Love in not just liking for each other. Indeed, no marriage can last without love for each other.


The important observation to be made is that whether it is the arranged marriage or the love marriage, if it has to sustain then there should be love, understanding and compassion for each other. There should be no clash of ego and respecting each other is the key. A long-lasting commitment to each other's well-being keeps the marriage going and this is more important than anything else. In the end it is not the type of marriage that matters but more importantly it is how well the couple jell with each other.


With all this phases considered parents have to advice the youngsters who are students, the difference between infatuation and love. They should make them understand that there is always a right time to think about it and right now it is time to think of their studies and set their mind in career development. Once they feel they have settled they can consider about who would be their life partner, of course with the concern of the parents. If parents are taken into confidence in this matter, they will and should support. If this is inevitable then there is no point in opposing the wishes of the young couple as the first love is the one which haunts a lot in future.

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