“One day, it won’t hurt anymore” was the status I posted on WhatsApp yesterday. A few read it as a statement displaying Ego. Superficially the statement sounds as if it is from an Egoistic, but the depth in it is a thought provoking statement. The underestimation of the word “hurt” in the statement has made it look as Egoistic.
It hurts when I experience either Physical Pain or Psychological Pain. Pain is an inbuilt warning mechanism that helps to withdraw from harmful stimuli, be it physical or psychological. When I touch anything very hot, it is the physical reflex action which prompts me to keep away from it, so that it does not hurt me more.
In the psychological pain the truth is that my feelings get “hurt” when the circumstances do not comply with my convenience. This is not like the reflex action that happens in the physical realm, the psychological pain stays on taking a deep dive into the sub-conscious mind and resurfacing at the conscious mind causing hurt to the feeling every now and then. Just as there is a relief to the physical pain there is also a respite to psychological pain also. If the psychological pain resides in then it is the birth of negative emotions.
Negative emotions are a part of the “human life experience”. When I am hurt psychologically, either I am depressed or I get angry. Again both are emotions which cause more pain. The problem is that the idea my brain uses to create emotions and understand them is out-dated. We humans have spent much more time fearing the unknown than living with what is known.
I can’t repress feeling hurt. But getting angry (which is supposed to be the natural consequence of “feeling hurt”) isn’t the answer: it has consequences I would not want and is an attitude which I obviously want to change. To say it differently, even though it is not my fault feeling hurt, how I react and the consequences of that reaction are purely my responsibility, whether I want it or not. I choose the reaction. And this is where boundaries and self-control come into play.
Self-control is controlling the reactive anger after I feel hurt. It is a realization that anger is just externalizing my pain, and there are other ways to do that. But sometimes, it is just too late to not fall into angry attitude. And usually, I just know when I am about to explode.
Well, boundaries are limits of what I am going to accept in my life. There are boundaries for what I am going to accept from people in my life, but also for what I shall accept from myself. When I know I would not be able to control myself, I can choose to leave.
By just letting the feeling pass by leaving it alone and once I can control the emotion, it is then I do not feel hurt anymore or have dealt with the pain. I can choose to say it is others fault and I am a victim of others actions or maybe just fate. Or I can choose that whatever procured me this emotion of pain, somehow, is due to my actions. And this is where I grow and experience the pain without being hurt.