1246. Empathy can never be selective.

Empathy can never be selective. Empathy is the ability to perceive the feelings of another person. Everyone should have this ability, but a few are selective in it. Mostly the celebrities are bit by this bug called “Selective Empathy.” In Kannada it is called “Jaana Kivudu, Jaana Kurudu. (Pretending Deaf, Pretending Blind). They empathise with the encounter of a terrorist in the name of “Human Rights” but never feel so when a solider at the border is martyred in a terror attack. Their hearts bleed for an anti-national and are ready to organise a candle march but do not care for the life of a Jawan. This is selective bleeding.

Media invites all the human rights activists and politicians for panel debate to discuss the pros and cons of the decision taken by the army on the encounter of infiltrators. They never bother to educate the viewers on the hardship our brave Jawans face while safeguarding our borders.

This selective empathy is common among a few of us. There are some who feel emotive for a person toiling hard at family chores, though it is good, they never realise that their own parents are also doing the same for them. Instead of just feeling emotive to others outside the family it is best to help the family member and do their bit in sharing the household chores. Being narcissist is one of the reasons for selective empathy. What starts off as selective empathy may end up as misplaced empathy. This misplaced empathy sow seeds of misery.

A narcissist is empathetic to others by being generous and helpful. He feels good about himself for being so. If his spouse is mistreated by anyone he will strongly come to her defence, but try to talk about how he ill-treats her and you will get a verbal attack that leaves your head spinning.

Narcissists can show empathy as long as he is not being accused of making a mistake. If you imply in any way that he is less than perfect, he will only hear that you are trying to blame and shame him; he will defend his fragile ego with a vengeance.

This selective empathy is confusing. Many get hurt when the empathy shown is very selective. It is better to be apathetic as one can be sure of it. A better way of describing it would be “faux empathy with an ulterior motive.” Since “Empathy” shown is devoid of emotion and, because it’s directed at those the person really doesn’t care about, thus is devoid of any cost. The main aim is to make others know about their feelings, but not to provide a constructive help for the cause.

Selective empathy is identical to being prejudice or moral depravity. If empathy is conferred exclusively to one sub-set of the community, it undermines the moral fabric of society and breeds enmity and contempt.