Tuesday, April 18, 2017

1003. Parents-Children Bond....!

Having children and nurtured them to be a better human is the ultimate experience of every parent. The entire life of parents stand on this pivot. Now, what is the criterion to be “Better Human”??? For some it could be making their children a successful professionals, for some it could be to bring name and fame to the family. Undoubtedly though which everyone agrees to is, to be a better human is to put others first and self last. 

It naturally comes to be empathetic as they grow with nature, in nature everything is like “Living for other” which the Sanskrit Shubhashitam mentions as “Paropkaryam.” As a child grow up to be a teenager and then an adult if the priority change from living for others to being self-centered, then it is a problem for the parents. Even more problematic is when the children emotionally blackmail the parents, take their love and affection for granted and start having Narcissistic synonym.

One can end a friendship or even the martial relationship if they feel they are let down, but it can never happen with the parent-child relationship. There is a blind spot when it comes to behaviour of the children where the emotional blackmail is allowed and accepted by the parents. Some children even necessitate the parent to take back their personal authority, and stepping away from enabling their puny behaviour.  

A few adult children get “stuck” in the blame or victim role and can’t move along. My elders when addressing the age of such an adult used to say “Elu Katte Vayasu” (7 donkey age) A donkey age is referred to as three times the age of a human age. That is a human of age 3 correspond to 1 donkey. So the age of 7 donkey would be 21years of human age. Maybe they addressed so to point out that the adult has gone past the years now more than the years taken to raise them and astonishingly the mental maturity has not been attained even after going past the physical maturity.  

Having children would be an incredible blessing. As they grow up to become adults themselves, it is also essential to shift gears in the parent-child relationship. As a parent it is important to guide them, but with a firm and clear decision on what can be allowed and what should not be and what behaviours is not accepted or encouraged. They say a child at certain age has to be treated like a friend and it also requires for the children to acknowledge the feel and reciprocate it back to the parent. When the child has reached that age the main aim if any they have is to see that the parents are in the comfort zone. There is no need for materialistic reassure, but just emotional bond they yearn for will do wonders.      

It is healthy to see the unconditional love from the parents and the reciprocal adoration from the children which makes a happy family. This is reworking part of the parent-child bond, doing the best to help an adult son or daughter stop blaming, and start finding solutions for the issues they encounter on their own. It is amazing when they say they know all on some matters and they become ignorant of some. This takes strength, but it is really the most loving and helpful thing one can do to their wards: loving them, but stepping away from the drama, setting firm limits, and not feeding the problem. Maybe while still parenting a shift to an appropriate stance is better in a way to accommodate the strength, health, and emotional growth of the children. And most importantly that shift by the parents should not be underestimated by the children as insecurity feelings. 

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